The Problem with #Perfection

Are you a #perfectionist? 

Let’s find out if perfectionism is an issue for you. Here are a few statements for you to consider (retrieved September 19, 2012 from the Centre for Clinical Interventions):

	True	Somewhat True	Somewhat False	False
Nothing good comes from making mistakes
I must do things right the first time
I must do everything well, not just the things I know I’m good at
If I can’t do something perfectly then there is no point even trying
I rarely give myself credit when I do well because there’s always something more I could do
Sometimes I am so concerned about getting one task done perfectly that I don’t have time to complete the rest of my work.

If you have answered most of the above questions with True or Somewhat True, then perfectionism might be something you want to work on.

The problem with striving for perfection is we end up never feeling good enough. As a result, we miss out on enjoying life because our focus is on getting things done or trying to look like we’ve got it together. Dr. Scott Barfoot of Dallas Theological Seminary points out, “Perfectionism is the mental habit of formulating ideal standards that we demand ourselves to meet in order to prove to ourselves, to others, and to God our worth.” Unfortunately, it all boils down to our own self-worth. Perfectionist thinking says, “If I’m perfect then I am worth loving.” Peel back the layers, we find shame. “If you saw me for who I really am then you wouldn’t love me.” So, we work harder and try to perfect ourselves. Dr. Barfoot explains, “Perfectionism is at the root of a works-based faith.”  We were created for love and belonging. But the more we perfect the more we miss out on connecting and loving one another.

Watch this 5 minute video of Brené Brown talking about perfection.

Is this hitting home for you?  The Centre for Clinical Interventions has a great 9 module self-help series called Perfectionism in Perspective.  If you struggle with perfectionism, I encourage you to work through the series. 

One Trick to Enhance Your Overall #Health

What do flu prevention, stress reduction, and type 2 diabetes management have in common?  They are all therapeutic benefits of mindfulness.

Ok, first things first…do you even know what mindfulness is?  What might come to mind is “being mindful” that is, “be mindful of others” or “mindful of your attitude.”  That’s not exactly what practicing mindfulness means.  The website get.gg explains mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way:  on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”  

Have you ever driven down the road, arrived at your destination without remembering how you got there?  Well, that’s the opposite of mindfulness.  Mindfulness is when you notice the feeling of the steering wheel in your hand, notice the leaves on the trees are turning color and the smell of the fall air.  You are in the moment. Your mind is not drifting somewhere else, you are not worrying about the “what ifs” and you are taking everything in (without scrutiny). Experts have found that when we spend more time “in the moment” so to speak, we have improved health.  Here is what Jeffrey Greeson (2009) of Duke University found out when he reviewed the research on mindfulness:

There is increasing scientific evidence to support the therapeutic effect of mindfulness meditation training on stress-related medical conditions, including psoriasis, type 2 diabetes, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic low back, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. In addition, research has consistently shown that mindfulness training reduces symptoms of stress and negative mood states, and increases emotional well-being and quality of life, among persons with chronic illness. The use of mindfulness training in treating specific pain conditions, hypertension, myocardial ischemia, weight control, irritable bowel syndrome, insomnia, human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), and substance abuse is presently under investigation in research supported by the National Institutes of Health.

It appears when we practice mindfulness our brain actually changes.  In one 8-week study, in the participants who had the biggest shifts in frontal brain activity had stronger resistance to getting the flu!  The take away from that study was that mindfulness can help build up your immune system to resist disease.  Study after study shows that practicing mindfulness significantly reduces the stress hormone cortisol. What does that mean to you? Well, your body has an easier time of staying healthy. 

So what do you think, do you want to try mindfulness?

Here is a quick and simple place to start called “mindful breathing.”  Again, this is from the website get.gg:

The primary focus in Mindfulness Meditation is the breathing. However, the primary goal is a calm, non-judging awareness, allowing thoughts and feelings to come and go without getting caught up in them. This creates calmness and acceptance.

1. Sit comfortably, with your eyes closed and your spine reasonably straight.
2. Direct your attention to your breathing.
3. When thoughts, emotions, physical feelings or external sounds occur, simply accept them, giving them the space to come and go without judging or getting involved with them.
4. When you notice that your attention has drifted off and becoming caught up in thoughts or feelings, simply note that the attention has drifted, and then gently bring the attention back to your breathing.

It's ok and natural for thoughts to arise, and for your attention to follow them. No matter how many times this happens, just keep bringing your attention back to your breathing.

Want to read more about mindfulness?

Go here: http://get.gg/mindfulness.htm

Or here: http://www.psychologytools.org/mindfulness.html

Also try the “pray-as-you-go” website. It has MP3 that are developed to help you pray. There is a section called “Preparing to Pray”, which walks you through breathing and body exercises designed to “quiet your mind” and prepare you to enter into prayer. http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/

Want to read the full article by Jeffrey Greeson? Here it is…

Greeson, J. M. (2009). Mindfulness research update: 2008. Complement Health Practitioner, 14(1), 10-18. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2679512/

Improve Your Mood, Sleep & Relationships with Gratitude

Do you want to have a better life? Need to sleep better? How about improve your marriage? Well, one way to improve your way of living is with gratitude.  Yes, gratitude. Researchers have found that gratitude improves a person’s mood, personal relationships and overall sense of well-being (Barlett & DeSteno, 2006 & Watkins, et al, 2003). One study by Digdon & Koble (2011), found that gratitude interventions help with sleep problems. Isn’t it amazing how such a simple thing as being thankful can have such a profound affect on us? 

While I was reading the book of Philippians one day, I was struck by what my New International Version (NIV) Study Bible commentary had to say about Philippians 4:6-7. If you recall, the verse goes like this…

“⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 The commentator wrote about this verse (my paraphrase), worry and thanksgiving are two opposing forces; one cannot be worried and thankful at the same time.  “Wow,” I thought, “that’s good.” It occurred to me that we often focus on trying to “stop worrying” but never replace it with anything.  It’s like the “yellow car” exercise where you are told to imagine a yellow car, then told to stop thinking about the “yellow car.”

Can you stop thinking about the “yellow car?” 

Well no, because we continue to talk (or think) about it.  It’s not until we think of something else our thoughts shift. What better way to quiet the worry and anxiety in our lives then to change our focus to being grateful? Apparently, if we practice gratitude we feel better, are less anxious, plus we treat our loved ones better.  And here all along, the Bible had it right. 

Here is one way to practice gratitude: keep a gratitude journal.

1. Get something to write in. It can be a journal, notebook or an iPad app (Yes, there’s even an app for that... get the app here).
2. Now, write down at least 5 things you are thankful for. Be specific.
3. Write in your journal daily. (It’s only 5 things a day, how hard can it be?)
4. Review often. (Reflect on the things that you were grateful for yesterday as well as today).
5. Pass it on. Smile or help someone else. Maybe you’ll end up in someone’s gratitude journal.

Want more information on gratitude journals:

Tips for Keeping a Gratitude Journal
I am Thankful

References:

Bartlett, M. Y. & DeSteno, D. (2006). Helping when it costs you. Psychological Science, 17(4), 319-325.

Digdon, N. & Koble, A. (2011). Effects of constructive worry, imagery distraction, and gratitude interventions on sleep quality: A pilot trial. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3(2), 193-206.

Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being. Social Behavior and Personality, 31(5), 431-452.

 

Coping with Depression and Anxiety Group begins Monday

Coping with Depression and Anxiety

Starts July 9, 2012

This is an open, ongoing group, where anyone (men & women) needing support, encouragement and improved coping skills is invited to attend. The group focuses on biblically based cognitive, behavioral, and problem-solving strategies to help cope with depression and anxiety. By attending the group, you will learn:

• How to change the cycle of depression & anxiety by activating and engaging in activities that can improve your mood.
• How to recognize and modify negative thinking patterns that may contribute to your depression and/or anxiety.
• Techniques to prevent further depressive episodes.
• You are not alone.

The group is $25 per session and meets every Monday from 7:15 PM to 8:15 PM at

680 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, FL 32233

Registration Required

For more information

or to register, please call:

904-339-5937

OR

Email: admin@afutureforyou.org

Now Accepting New Clients at Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting

We are so excited to make this announcement!  Hope and a Future Ministries, Inc. is opening Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting in Atlantic Beach, FL! Our address is 680 Mayport Rd. Atlantic Beach, FL. The phone number is 904-339-5937.

Boy, were our original plans blown out of the water.  Back in January, we did not think we would be able to open our counseling center. We strategically planned to open a thrift store boutique to support the counseling ministry. Well, Atlantic Beach Assembly of God, graciously offered the use of their building during the week.  The best part is we have such low overhead that we will be able to keep our rates low.  Praise God!  


If you know someone who is in need of counseling or coaching in Duval County, FL please tell them about Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting.  Visit our website at www.afutureforyou.org for more information or to make an appointment.


One last request, please keep our ministry in prayer.

Doug & Amy talk about Hope and a Future Ministries's Fundraiser

GoAnimate.com: Doug & Amy talk about Hope and a Future Ministries by foundsun

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Hope and a Future Ministries needs to raise $10,000!

Hope and a Future Ministries, Inc. - Fundraiser Hello! I haven't written a post in a long time and for that I'm sorry. Today, I am writing because we need your help. We are trying to raise $10,000 to open a boutique thrift store called Hope's Closet. The store will sell used clothing and accessories in a boutique atmosphere. In addition, to the resale sales, we plan to offer career workshops & training plus a job club. Proceeds from the store will go to fund the primary purposes of our ministry, which is counseling, life-coaching and training for individuals, families and couples. We offer services to address mental health issues such as depression & anxiety, career issues, relationship issues and families issues.

We have a dream...

We are in the processing of working on realizing this dream...

Would you partner with us in prayer as we develop the infrastructure for this ministry?  Leave us a comment and let us know if you will be a prayer partner. We'd love to hear from you.

Visual Journaling Workshop presented by Mandarin Christian Counseling Center

Since March 2011, I've had the greatest opportunity to work with the talented counselors at Mandarin Christian Counseling. In this short time, we've moved the main office and opened a satellite office in Jacksonville Beach. As we work on getting the news out of our new locations, I decided I'd like to present a visual journaling workshop. This is something I've wanted to do for a while but didn't have the opportunity. Finally, I can. I sure hope to see you!
Visual Journal Ing Flyer

Wheel of Emotions

Found this on get.gg and thought I'd share. Sometimes it's hard to put our feelings into words.

Strong Elegant Women

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a woman lately.  In Church, as wives we are often told to be submissive. Unfortunately, the word has been twisted and used to keep women oppressed for centuries. Please understand me--I believe we should submit to our husbands. However, I am proposing that maybe we have been going about it wrong.  In Christian circles, it seems women are discouraged from pursuing their dreams in the name of "submission." As a result, women are polarized: either be a *stay at home mother who home schools (see below) to the "feminatzi." Can't there be a more balanced approach? 

Let's take a look at the Proverbs 31 woman:

• Her husband trusts and respects her
• She works outside of the home 
• She takes care of her household 
• She is a business woman
• She is strong and smart
• She helps the needy
• Her children love her

When I read that verse, I see a woman who is intelligent, strong yet supportive to her husband. 

I think we need more strong elegant women as role models.  Here are some role models that have stood out for me. Not all of these women are married or confessing Christians but they exude grace, character and strength. 

Joni Eareckson Tada
from http://www.joniandfriends.org/

Condoleeza Rice
from http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/news/2010-10-12-rice12_CV_N.htm

Laura Bush
from http://georgewbush-whitehouse.archives.gov/firstlady/

Ann Curry
from http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/4515786/ns/today/

*I am in total support of the woman who stays home with her children and home-schools. I am opposed to setting that as the standard for the ideal Christian woman.

Reading anything good lately?

I've been reading for pleasure quite a bit the last week. I've discovered that there is a Goodwill down the street that has a great book section. I can pick up .50 paperbacks and $1.00 hardbacks.  Then, there is *Paperback Swap where you can get books for free.  I picked up about four chick lit books and then a couple more educational books all for under $5 between both sources.  Quite the bargain, right? Let me tell you the real bargain- what I get out of reading...

About 11 years ago, I worked as a Child Protection Social worker. Whew, what a stressful job.  I remember my boss recommending I read the book, "A Child Called It." Let me tell you that was not a good choice for me at the time. I would get home from a long day, start reading the book and start crying. My husband told me, "You've got to stop reading that book. You're making yourself miserable." And I was. A few months later, I was at a discount store and found the book "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" in a discount bin (this was before the movie and all the hype). I bought it and started reading it the next night. I never laughed so hard reading a book before. It provided a great escape from a hectic day and was a definite stress reducer. From that point on, I have been a fan of chic lit or as I call "brain candy." It helps take my mind off of the day's events and can completely improve my mood.

I discovered that reading has other benefits too.  Clark and Rumbold (2006) found that reading for pleasure:

• Increases general knowledge
• Increases a better understanding of other cultures
• Increases community participation
• Increases greater insight into human nature and decision-making
• Enhances social skills 
• Decreases loneliness 

So, have you read any good books lately?  Grab a book and escape to a foreign land or learn something new. What are you waiting for?

Clark, C. & Rumbold, K. (2006). Reading for pleasure: A research overview. National literacy trust. Retrieved March 4, 2011 from http://content.scholastic.com/content/collateral_resources/pdf/i/Reading_for_pleasure.pdf

*Paperback Swap info:
Swap, Trade & Exchange Books for Free. It's easy: List books you'd like to swap with other club members. Once a book is requested, mail it to the club member (you pay for the postage to mail the book). In return, you may choose from 5,003,351 available books! Books you request are mailed to you for free. No late fees. No hidden charges. http://www.paperbackswap.com

Addictions----Do you have one?

I'm baaaaack! Plus, I survived 3 months in rehab! Truth be told--I wasn't actually in rehab myself, I just worked for a dual-diagnosis substance abuse hospital. Whew, what a trip! I learned so much about addictions while I was there. Unfortunately, I couldn't handle the hours. I am not made to work 10-12 hours a day and still be a good therapist for my patients. By the end, I was *fried. Which, is a good segue into what I was going to write about today-addiction. 

Last January, I was reading the daily devotional from Lighthouse Network, Stepping Stones. That days topic was on addiction objects. The writer gave a biblical definition for an addiction. He states, "if it is something that comforts you or relieves some negative feeling, it can be an addiction object. People can find themselves obsessively and compulsively hooked on almost anything." The group I was leading discussed the devotion in depth and it personally gave me a new way of looking at addictions. The devotion challenged me further when the writer states, "When you are uneasy, lonely, stressed, etc, what do you go to first? Bingo! You found your addiction object. Next time, try to look to God first and see what He will prescribe for your pain." For the last couple weeks while I was working 55-60 hours a week, I was becoming more and more stressed. Next thing I know I'm "comfort eating." This is just what caused me to gain 30 pounds 12 years ago. As I started examining my behavior, I realized I did just what most addicts do before they relapse....I planned it in my head first! See, I told myself, "You can eat this "stuff" for now and later you can quit." (That "stuff" was anything *fried or sweet). What a lie! What also hit me was I was going to food instead of God for comfort. Fortunately, I only gained 4 pounds this time but I then again, I missed an opportunity to let God be my comfort. I decided that I am going to submit "my addiction" to God again by doing a modified fast. (See "Fasting for Spiritual Breakthrough: A Guide to Nine Biblical Fasts" or "Fasting" for more information on how to fast).  

What about you? What do you struggle with...what are you going to for comfort? Remember the words of Jesus to us in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest (NLT)." However, maybe your addiction is with drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography etc. Maybe you are at the point where you realize your life has become unmanageable and you are powerless to change. If that is you...there is hope and help.

Here are some resources for you to look into:

Lighthouse Network: http://www.lighthousenetwork.org/content/

Teen Challenge: http://teenchallengeusa.com/

Articles of Incorporation have been filed!

I'm excited to report that our articles of incorporation for a non profit corporation have been filed with the State of Florida. We are now officially Hope and a Future Ministries, Inc. Here is a little bit about our purpose:

The purpose for which the corporation is organized is:

Exclusively for charitable, religious, and educational, purposes as specified in Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Specifically, the charitable and educational purposes of this corporation is to improve the lives of people by supporting and enhancing personal growth and development through, life coaching, education, counseling and consultation. The specific religious purpose for which this corporation is organized is to proclaim Christ, to bring people to know Him, to take Christ into the world, and to provide religious training and education; in addition, to render Christian service to the underprivileged. 

We have many exciting ideas to reach out and support the community of Jacksonville.  I'll keep you posted on the new things coming.  For now, the next step for us is to apply for recognition by the IRS for exempt status under section 501(c)(3) of the tax code. Then we will need to register with the Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services in Florida to be able to accept and solicit donations.

-Carissa

Radical book club questions...

A small group of us met again this past Saturday for book club at the Regency Panera Bread in Jacksonville, FL. If you are following along online and wondering where's week 4 and 5's questions--there are none!  The conversation has been so lively at book club that I decided to stop with the questions. We weren't using them anyway.  If you haven't  got a chance to pick up the book yet, please do! You'll soon learn why there is such lively discussion.  David Platt pushes the extreme and gets the reader to think.  You may agree with him or be completely offended...then you'll turn the page and feel completely different.  If you've been reading book, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your reactions.


-Carissa

New Service: Behavior Consultation

I'm excited about this!  Really. Hope and a Future Ministries has added a new service.  We are going to start offering behavior consultation to early childhood programs.  What is that, you may ask? Well, when a child care provider has a child (or children) in his or her program that have troubling behaviors they can contract with us for help. We will observe the child in the environment, interview teachers and parents then offer consultation, technical assistance and training geared to addressing and changing the behavior. In addition, we will help the teaching staff to learn new strategies for working with the children, and offer assistance to help with classroom management techniques.

If you are interested in this new service or know of a program that might need our help- contact us! 

Contact us for more information or to request an application packet:

Carissa Doré, MA 

Anthony Marler, BSW

Phone: 1-888-316-0523

Fresh Grounded Faith Conference

Well, I attended the Fresh Grounded Faith Conference yesterday and this morning. It was an encouraging time with other women. The speaker, Jennifer Rothchild is a sweet, sensitive and down-to-earth speaker. An added treat was getting to hear Kathy Triccoli. If you were listening to contemporary Christian music in the 80's you definitely remember her. Fortunately, she isn't stuck in the 80's but shares her story with wit and spunk that only an Italian American woman from Long Island can get a way with at a Christian conference. I'm telling you, if you have not heard her sing and speak...you are missing out. I wanted to go and have coffee with her and get to know her more. The last woman in the trio was Abby Rike. You may know her from The Biggest Loser. I don't watch The Biggest Loser, but found her testimony encouraging. All three women were intelligent and seemed real. Jennifer states that "The ultimate goal of Fresh Grounded Faith is to bring a unifying event to your area that will empower women to live a tenacious faith in Christ." If the conference comes to a city in your area, I encourage you to invite some girlfriends and go. You can find the dates and locations by clicking here.

Here's a video about the Fresh Grounded Faith Conferences:

In addition, Jennifer has written some interesting looking books (I haven't read them yet).  One study that looks particularly interesting is Me, Myself and Lies. I am looking forward to picking up this book and possibly doing the study with a group of ladies. Check out the video promo for the book:

Week 3 Questions for Radical by David Platt

If you are reading the book Radical with us, here are the questions for week 3, chapters 4 and 5:

RADICAL

Week 3 Questions Chapters 4-5 

How did the deacon respond to David’s excitement over the opportunities to reach people for Christ?

Why did God create us in the first place?

What is David’s response to “I’m not called”?

What might Radically abandoning to Christ look like in your life?

What is the “megastrategy of Jesus”?

What is the difference between receivers and reproducers of God’s Word?

What happens when we ask ourselves the question, “How can I listen to his Word so that I am equipped to teach this Word to others”?

What is the difference between discipling and disinfecting?

Welcome Georgann!

Georgann

I'm excited to welcome Georgann Cranfield to Hope and a Future Ministries.  She will be serving as our virtual assistant.  Whenever you call our toll free number she will be answering the phone and making appointments as well as other duties assigned.  She won't begin until mid October but we are so happy to have her on board!  You may have enjoyed her blog, An Evening Hope and a Morning Prayer. If you haven't check it out.

Have problems sleeping?

Falling asleep or staying asleep is a problem for many people.  Stress and depression can sabotage a good night sleep.  In the RealAge newsletter this morning there was an article about getting better sleep.  According to RealAge (2009), "Research indicates that 70% to 80% of people with sleep disorders achieve some benefits when practicing good sleep hygiene."  Here are their recommendations: (click here to read the original article)

Behaviors to avoid:

• Having caffeine after lunch
• Having alcohol within 6 hours of bedtime
• Watching television right before going to bed
• Having a cigarette before bedtime
• Going to bed hungry or when you've had a big meal
• Going to bed before you are sleepy
• Exercising too close to bedtime

Behaviors to adopt:

• Using your bedroom only for sleep and sex
• Exercising regularly, preferably in the morning or early afternoon
• Keeping a regular bedtime and waking time, even on the weekends
• Creating a relaxing bedtime routine, such as taking a leisurely stroll, soaking in a tub, listening to soothing music, or massaging your legs or feet before bed
• Practicing relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, and deep-breathing exercises
• Creating a comfortable environment that is conducive to sleep by eliminating uncomfortable bedding, wearing loose clothing, keeping the bedroom temperature slightly cool, and eliminating any bothersome noise or light

To read more articles about getting a good night's sleep try these:
18 Ways to Manage Stress by PsycCentral.com
How to Get a Good Night's Sleep by Livescience.com


RealAge. 2009. Sleep Hygiene. Retrieved September 17, 2010 from http://www.realage.com/soothe-stress/mind-and-mood/sleep-hygiene?click=p6link1