The Problem with #Perfection

Are you a #perfectionist? 

Let’s find out if perfectionism is an issue for you. Here are a few statements for you to consider (retrieved September 19, 2012 from the Centre for Clinical Interventions):

	True	Somewhat True	Somewhat False	False
Nothing good comes from making mistakes
I must do things right the first time
I must do everything well, not just the things I know I’m good at
If I can’t do something perfectly then there is no point even trying
I rarely give myself credit when I do well because there’s always something more I could do
Sometimes I am so concerned about getting one task done perfectly that I don’t have time to complete the rest of my work.

If you have answered most of the above questions with True or Somewhat True, then perfectionism might be something you want to work on.

The problem with striving for perfection is we end up never feeling good enough. As a result, we miss out on enjoying life because our focus is on getting things done or trying to look like we’ve got it together. Dr. Scott Barfoot of Dallas Theological Seminary points out, “Perfectionism is the mental habit of formulating ideal standards that we demand ourselves to meet in order to prove to ourselves, to others, and to God our worth.” Unfortunately, it all boils down to our own self-worth. Perfectionist thinking says, “If I’m perfect then I am worth loving.” Peel back the layers, we find shame. “If you saw me for who I really am then you wouldn’t love me.” So, we work harder and try to perfect ourselves. Dr. Barfoot explains, “Perfectionism is at the root of a works-based faith.”  We were created for love and belonging. But the more we perfect the more we miss out on connecting and loving one another.

Watch this 5 minute video of Brené Brown talking about perfection.

Is this hitting home for you?  The Centre for Clinical Interventions has a great 9 module self-help series called Perfectionism in Perspective.  If you struggle with perfectionism, I encourage you to work through the series. 

One Trick to Enhance Your Overall #Health

What do flu prevention, stress reduction, and type 2 diabetes management have in common?  They are all therapeutic benefits of mindfulness.

Ok, first things first…do you even know what mindfulness is?  What might come to mind is “being mindful” that is, “be mindful of others” or “mindful of your attitude.”  That’s not exactly what practicing mindfulness means.  The website get.gg explains mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way:  on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”  

Have you ever driven down the road, arrived at your destination without remembering how you got there?  Well, that’s the opposite of mindfulness.  Mindfulness is when you notice the feeling of the steering wheel in your hand, notice the leaves on the trees are turning color and the smell of the fall air.  You are in the moment. Your mind is not drifting somewhere else, you are not worrying about the “what ifs” and you are taking everything in (without scrutiny). Experts have found that when we spend more time “in the moment” so to speak, we have improved health.  Here is what Jeffrey Greeson (2009) of Duke University found out when he reviewed the research on mindfulness:

There is increasing scientific evidence to support the therapeutic effect of mindfulness meditation training on stress-related medical conditions, including psoriasis, type 2 diabetes, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic low back, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. In addition, research has consistently shown that mindfulness training reduces symptoms of stress and negative mood states, and increases emotional well-being and quality of life, among persons with chronic illness. The use of mindfulness training in treating specific pain conditions, hypertension, myocardial ischemia, weight control, irritable bowel syndrome, insomnia, human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), and substance abuse is presently under investigation in research supported by the National Institutes of Health.

It appears when we practice mindfulness our brain actually changes.  In one 8-week study, in the participants who had the biggest shifts in frontal brain activity had stronger resistance to getting the flu!  The take away from that study was that mindfulness can help build up your immune system to resist disease.  Study after study shows that practicing mindfulness significantly reduces the stress hormone cortisol. What does that mean to you? Well, your body has an easier time of staying healthy. 

So what do you think, do you want to try mindfulness?

Here is a quick and simple place to start called “mindful breathing.”  Again, this is from the website get.gg:

The primary focus in Mindfulness Meditation is the breathing. However, the primary goal is a calm, non-judging awareness, allowing thoughts and feelings to come and go without getting caught up in them. This creates calmness and acceptance.

1. Sit comfortably, with your eyes closed and your spine reasonably straight.
2. Direct your attention to your breathing.
3. When thoughts, emotions, physical feelings or external sounds occur, simply accept them, giving them the space to come and go without judging or getting involved with them.
4. When you notice that your attention has drifted off and becoming caught up in thoughts or feelings, simply note that the attention has drifted, and then gently bring the attention back to your breathing.

It's ok and natural for thoughts to arise, and for your attention to follow them. No matter how many times this happens, just keep bringing your attention back to your breathing.

Want to read more about mindfulness?

Go here: http://get.gg/mindfulness.htm

Or here: http://www.psychologytools.org/mindfulness.html

Also try the “pray-as-you-go” website. It has MP3 that are developed to help you pray. There is a section called “Preparing to Pray”, which walks you through breathing and body exercises designed to “quiet your mind” and prepare you to enter into prayer. http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/

Want to read the full article by Jeffrey Greeson? Here it is…

Greeson, J. M. (2009). Mindfulness research update: 2008. Complement Health Practitioner, 14(1), 10-18. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2679512/

Improve Your Mood, Sleep & Relationships with Gratitude

Do you want to have a better life? Need to sleep better? How about improve your marriage? Well, one way to improve your way of living is with gratitude.  Yes, gratitude. Researchers have found that gratitude improves a person’s mood, personal relationships and overall sense of well-being (Barlett & DeSteno, 2006 & Watkins, et al, 2003). One study by Digdon & Koble (2011), found that gratitude interventions help with sleep problems. Isn’t it amazing how such a simple thing as being thankful can have such a profound affect on us? 

While I was reading the book of Philippians one day, I was struck by what my New International Version (NIV) Study Bible commentary had to say about Philippians 4:6-7. If you recall, the verse goes like this…

“⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 The commentator wrote about this verse (my paraphrase), worry and thanksgiving are two opposing forces; one cannot be worried and thankful at the same time.  “Wow,” I thought, “that’s good.” It occurred to me that we often focus on trying to “stop worrying” but never replace it with anything.  It’s like the “yellow car” exercise where you are told to imagine a yellow car, then told to stop thinking about the “yellow car.”

Can you stop thinking about the “yellow car?” 

Well no, because we continue to talk (or think) about it.  It’s not until we think of something else our thoughts shift. What better way to quiet the worry and anxiety in our lives then to change our focus to being grateful? Apparently, if we practice gratitude we feel better, are less anxious, plus we treat our loved ones better.  And here all along, the Bible had it right. 

Here is one way to practice gratitude: keep a gratitude journal.

1. Get something to write in. It can be a journal, notebook or an iPad app (Yes, there’s even an app for that... get the app here).
2. Now, write down at least 5 things you are thankful for. Be specific.
3. Write in your journal daily. (It’s only 5 things a day, how hard can it be?)
4. Review often. (Reflect on the things that you were grateful for yesterday as well as today).
5. Pass it on. Smile or help someone else. Maybe you’ll end up in someone’s gratitude journal.

Want more information on gratitude journals:

Tips for Keeping a Gratitude Journal
I am Thankful

References:

Bartlett, M. Y. & DeSteno, D. (2006). Helping when it costs you. Psychological Science, 17(4), 319-325.

Digdon, N. & Koble, A. (2011). Effects of constructive worry, imagery distraction, and gratitude interventions on sleep quality: A pilot trial. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3(2), 193-206.

Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being. Social Behavior and Personality, 31(5), 431-452.

 

Coping with Depression and Anxiety Group begins Monday

Coping with Depression and Anxiety

Starts July 9, 2012

This is an open, ongoing group, where anyone (men & women) needing support, encouragement and improved coping skills is invited to attend. The group focuses on biblically based cognitive, behavioral, and problem-solving strategies to help cope with depression and anxiety. By attending the group, you will learn:

• How to change the cycle of depression & anxiety by activating and engaging in activities that can improve your mood.
• How to recognize and modify negative thinking patterns that may contribute to your depression and/or anxiety.
• Techniques to prevent further depressive episodes.
• You are not alone.

The group is $25 per session and meets every Monday from 7:15 PM to 8:15 PM at

680 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, FL 32233

Registration Required

For more information

or to register, please call:

904-339-5937

OR

Email: admin@afutureforyou.org

Now Accepting New Clients at Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting

We are so excited to make this announcement!  Hope and a Future Ministries, Inc. is opening Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting in Atlantic Beach, FL! Our address is 680 Mayport Rd. Atlantic Beach, FL. The phone number is 904-339-5937.

Boy, were our original plans blown out of the water.  Back in January, we did not think we would be able to open our counseling center. We strategically planned to open a thrift store boutique to support the counseling ministry. Well, Atlantic Beach Assembly of God, graciously offered the use of their building during the week.  The best part is we have such low overhead that we will be able to keep our rates low.  Praise God!  


If you know someone who is in need of counseling or coaching in Duval County, FL please tell them about Living Well Counseling, Coaching and Consulting.  Visit our website at www.afutureforyou.org for more information or to make an appointment.


One last request, please keep our ministry in prayer.

Doug & Amy talk about Hope and a Future Ministries's Fundraiser

GoAnimate.com: Doug & Amy talk about Hope and a Future Ministries by foundsun

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Hope and a Future Ministries needs to raise $10,000!

Hope and a Future Ministries, Inc. - Fundraiser Hello! I haven't written a post in a long time and for that I'm sorry. Today, I am writing because we need your help. We are trying to raise $10,000 to open a boutique thrift store called Hope's Closet. The store will sell used clothing and accessories in a boutique atmosphere. In addition, to the resale sales, we plan to offer career workshops & training plus a job club. Proceeds from the store will go to fund the primary purposes of our ministry, which is counseling, life-coaching and training for individuals, families and couples. We offer services to address mental health issues such as depression & anxiety, career issues, relationship issues and families issues.