The Pursuit of Self-Esteem

Pursuit of Self-esteem
Crocker and Park (2004) caution that pursuing self-esteem has a cost. The pursuit of self-esteem usually only has a short-lived emotional benefit. But, when the person fails, the cost is big (Crocker & Park, 2004). Crocker and Knight (2005) further explain that high self-esteem is not the answer, either. They suggest the “importance of self-esteem lies less in whether it is high or low, and more in what people believe they need to be or do to have value and worth as a person— what we call contingencies of self-worth” (Crocker & Knight, 2005, p. 200).

Causes of Low Self-esteem

Although research has looked at social economic status, race, gender, and ethnicity as causes of low self-esteem, the most important influence is how you were raised by your parents (Emler, 2001). Emler (2001) admits social economic status, race, gender, and ethnicity play a part, but it is a modest one. Parenting style is key. Abuse, whether it be physical or sexual, is the worst thing parents can do to harm positive self-esteem (Emler, 2001). Quarreling families are another source. Genetics also play are part in self-esteem. Caring and loving relationships as an adult can affect self-esteem, but Emler (2001) explains forming successful relationships like these are more likely when a person already has higher self-esteem.

Biblical View of Self-esteem

Self-esteem in Christian circles is a controversial subject. Opponents of self-esteem teaching state, scripture is twisted and distorted to support a biblical view of self-esteem (i.e. Adams, 1986). On the other side are proponents who say, “God wants us to have good self-esteem so we can do his work” (Schuller, 1982). These are two sides of the conundrum. The problem with the first debate is it doesn’t consider that a person who has been abused (which is one of the possible causes of low self-esteem) has a distorted view of him or herself. On the other hand, the latter view doesn’t recognize that God usually uses the weak to show His glory (2 Corinthians 12:10 and 1 Corinthians 1:27). Here are examples of weak people God used in the Bible, Gideon, Peter, David, and Abraham. So, what is a more balanced perspective? We do have value; we are called his children. 1 John 3:1 says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are” (NIV)! Ask any loving parent if his or her children are of value and I would predict a hardy, “Yes!” Jesus also told us in Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (NIV). Our worth, therefore, is accepting our dependence on God. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).

Adams, J. (1986). The biblical view of self-esteem, self-love, self-image. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers.

Crocker, J. & Knight, K. M. (2005). Contingencies of self-worth. Current directions in psychological science, 14(4), 200-203.

Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological bulletin, 130(3), 392-414.

Emler, N. (2001, November). The costs and causes of low self-esteem. Joseph Rowntree Foundation. Retrieved June 27, 2010 from http://www.jrf.org.uk/sites/files/jrf/n71.pdf

Schuller, R. H. (1984). Self-esteem: The new reformation. Waco, TX: World Books.

The faces of low self-esteem

I was going over the lecture on self-esteem in my counseling women class today (reviewing for an exam). These "three faces of low self-esteem" stood out for me. I hate to admit it but I have struggled with number one. Do you struggle with any of them? Read on...

"According to the University of Texas, there seem to be three “faces of low self-esteem”. These include first, the imposter. The Imposter acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. She lives with the constant fear that she will be "found out" and needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem. This leads to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

The Rebel acts like the opinions or good will of others (especially people who are important or powerful) don't matter. She lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough" and continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt. This leads to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

The loser acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. She uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing her life and looks constantly to others for guidance. This leads to such problems as lack of assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships."

Thankfully our worth comes from God. Psalm 139:16-18 (the Message) says:

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I'd even lived one day.